So hurt, you don’t even notice.

I know i’m supposed to be trying to let these feelings go- just forget about them.

But i can’t,

I’m so afraid that i’m going to LOSE it, just break down.

I’m trying to turn my fake smile into a real one…

and it’s working… sometimes..

when i’m in the right of mind, happy and not facing anything too hard.

But then the days come that are much harder to face 

and I find myself struggling to keep my head above water. 

I wish you’d stop making me drown.

I wish at least, that you’d realize i’m drowning…. but you don’t.

You have zero intention to save me, 

and it’s taken me this long to realize… 

that maybe you didnt… because I should be saving myself. 

 

I don’t need a knight in shining armour to fix all my problems, 
I need to be the one strong enough to fight through.

The chaos in my mind and soul will only subside,
when it’s able to be replaced with fearlessness and strength.

 

I forgot how to stand on my own to feet.

Shit, I have not  done it in so long… no wonder it’s so hard.

BUt i  WILL remember how to stand, 
I WILL find my footing to be my own happiness again.

And if this all happens and one day you swoop in,
ready to save me from drowning…
I’ll have already pulled my own ass out the water, walked onto shore, and been started saving others.

 

So, don’t blame me if this isn’t what you wanted.
Cuz I can’t wait for what you want anymore.
I’m TAKING my life BACK!

 

Peace,

Heather B 

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